What will Thanksgiving be like if my Chemistry 101 students are in charge of cooking?
Based on my typical course dropout rate, 20% will walk out of the kitchen before we are halfway through warming up the oven.
I’ll have a mountain of pointless INS and Homeland Security forms to fill out just so my foreign students can use a potato peeler.
Given the rampant cheating on campus, many of the future chefs will copy each other’s recipes, resulting in mashed turkey stuffed with green bean casserole, sprinkled with cinnamon and marshmallows. Others will sneak out, buy a roasted chicken and side dishes at Boston Market and try to pass it off as their own.
A few dopes will forget what holiday it was and bring Halloween candy.
Since the turkey has to cook at 325 degrees for 4 hours, somebody will try to turn the oven to 1300 and then complain, “math is so hard!”
Half a dozen engineering students will show up with the most high-tech meat thermometers but not know how to use them.
After burning the rolls, a student will explain, “but that’s how my high school home ec teacher told us to do it.”
They will complain to the Dean that the dessert recipe is too hard. I will be told I must allow students to substitute a carton of Wal Mart brand ice cream for homemade pumpkin pie.
After receiving failing grades for their work, they will ask if they could bake some Christmas cookies for extra credit.
Of course, supervising the students will be handled by a graduate student who learned to run a kitchen during a one-hour orientation workshop at the beginning of the year and doesn’t speak English. I’ll be on the couch watching the Cowboys game, and for that I am very thankful.